Horse racing jokes designed to tickle your funny bone!

Horse racing jokes designed to tickle your funny bone!  Horse racing can be a serious affair for jockeys, trainers, owners and indeed I expect the horse. And that’s before to get to the punters and those cheering them on. So let’s have a light hearted moment and inject some humour into the sport of kings. Whether good jokes, or bad, it can bring a smile, and so let’s start with a few one liners:

Why don’t horses ever use smartphones?

Because they can’t stand the “neigh”-sayers online

What did the jockey say to the horse before the race?

“Don’t worry, I’ve got your back!”

What do you call a horse who lives next door?

“neighbour”!

Why did the horse sit on the fence?

Because he wanted to be a “stable” influence!

What do you call a horse who likes to be center stage?

The mane attraction!

 

Not impressed? Well here’s another selection of horse jokes – and more here. Remember to hold your sides before you read them:

 

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender starts with the expected “Why the long f…” but the horse suddenly cuts him off and looks him in the eye.

“I’ve heard that one a thousand times. ‘Why the long face!’ In fact, I hear that everywhere I go.”

“I do apologise” says the bartender. “Let’s start again, how’s life?”

The horse replies, “Stable.”

—-

Why did the horse die?

Medical Neigh-ligence

—–

Why did the scarecrow become a successful jockey?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

—-

Why was the psychic horse disqualified from the Grand National?

It kept trying to cross the finish line before the race started!

—-

What did the horse say when it fell?

“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

—-

How do you make a small fortune in horse racing?

Start with a large one!

—-

What did the gay horse say to the other gay horse?

Haaaaay!

What’s a horse’s favorite sport?

Stable tennis!

What did the pony say when he had to call in sick?

“Sorry, I’m a little hoarse.”

What’s a ghost’s favorite horse race? The Cheltenham Ghoul-cup!

What did the horse say when it saw its photo?

I look absolutely fabulous! That’s one fine filly/frame.”

—-

A horse goes to sit in a movie theatre and the lady in the seat beside him says “Excuse me… are you a horse?” “Why yes, I am,” says the horse. “Then what are you doing at this movie?” The horse: “I really liked the book.”

Why did the horse break up with his girlfriend?

She was always “horsing” around!

How about this one for the worse horse racing joke ever told:

 

What kind of bread does a horse eat?

Thoroughbred.

—-

 

And can you figure out this mind mind bender:

Q: How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

 

A: His horse’s name was Friday

 

—–

I hope some of these puns / jokes made you laugh. Feel free to email us with some of your own horse or horse racing relates jokes if you have any. Anything that tickles the funny bone will get added!

 

What’s the history of Royal Ascot?

What's the history of Royal Ascot?  Ascot Racecourse is, of course, situated in the Royal County of Berkshire, South East England, which is, in fact, the only English county to warrant the ‘Royal’ epithet. Berkshire has been closely associated with the British monarchy for nearly a millenium, not least because of the presence of Windsor Castle, originally constructed by William I, a.k.a. ‘William the Conqueror, in the late eleventh century and a royal residence pretty much ever since.

As far as Ascot Racecourse is concerned, the association with the British Royal Family is nowhere near so lengthy, but still dates back to the reign of the much-maligned Queen Anne, in the first half of the eighteenth century. In fact, three years before her death, aged 49, in 1714 – apparently, after succumbing to ‘gout, dropsy, hemorrhage and stroke’ – ‘Brandy Nan’, as she was known, identified Ascot Heath as a likely location for ‘horses to gallop at full stretch’. That they did, for the first time, on August 11, 1711, with the inaugural running of Her Majesty’s Plate, contested over three separate heats, of four miles apiece.

It was not until 1794, during the reign of King George III, that the first permanent building was raised on Ascot Heath, while the first reference to a Royal Stand, albeit temporary, also dates back to the same decade. However, the Royal Enclosure, which originally consisted of a two-storey, permanent grandstand surrounded by a lawn, was decreed by King George IV in 1822 and did not officially become known as such until 1845; by that stage, it had already been further developed for the inaugural visit of Tsar Nicholas I, as a guest of Queen Victoria, the previous summer.

King George IV also began the tradition of the Royal Parade, or the Royal Procession, as it is now known, in 1825. At two o’clock each afternoon, the reigning monarch and the Royal party arrive at the so-called Royal Gates, at the top of the Straight Mile, and process along the track in front of the racegoers, who can number up to 70,000, to the Royal Enclosure.

The Gold Cup, which, nowadays, forms the highlight of the third day of the Royal Meeting, a.k.a. Ladies’ Day, was inaugurated in 1807, making it the oldest surviving race of the week. Indeed, the Gold Cup, remains one of just three perpetual trophies presented during Royal Ascot.

Indeed, it was the establishment of the Gold Cup that, in many ways, laid the foundation for Royal Ascot as we know it today. The traditional, four-day, Tuesday to Friday format had been in place since 1768, but the meeting did not earn the ‘Royal’ epithet until 1911 and, until 1939, remained the only fixture of the year at the Berkshire track.

Fast forward to the early years of the twenty-first century and, in 2002, the four-day Royal Ascot meeting was extended to five days, by way of celebrating the Golden Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II. Hitherto, Royal Ascot had been immediately followed by a less formal fixture, without a Royal presence, on the Saturday. However, the new format proved hugely successful, such that the ‘Ascot Heath’ Meeting, as was, ceased to be and the Royal Meeting has continued as a five-day affair ever since.

In 2013, an unusual situation occurred insofar as the winner of the Gold Cup was owned by the late Queen Elizabeth II, who thereby became the first reigning monarch in history to win the ‘flagship’ race of the week. Obviously, Her Majesty could not present the Gold Cuo trophy to herself, so instead took delight in receiving it from her son Prince Andrew, Duke of York.

Is It Worth Starting a YouTube Horse Racing Tipster Channel?

Is It Worth Starting a YouTube Horse Racing Tipster Channel?  Back in the day, I remember saying I would never watch YouTube.

Wait for it…

I’m now an avid watcher of YouTube. In fact, I probably watch it more than regular TV. I used to subscribe to lots of channels but I’ve dwindled them down to 10. Most are about travel, gamblers, food and scammers.

I was on the edge of saying someone’s name…

Pretty sure the scammy accounts for most of the YouTube channels are influencers or making money online.

But is it worth starting a YouTube channel about gambling and how can it be done in an ethical and profitable manner?

The short answer is yes and it can be.

Like blogging, the only way you will stand out from the crowd is making sure your niche is your passion and you are authentic in every way. If you have a love of betting on horse racing, talking about your selections or how bookmakers are screwing over punters by limiting their accounts then you may gain subscribers.

They say the first 1000 subscribers are the hardest to gain. From there, you can build your audience and see where it leads.

However, it is worth noting that your niche may have a limited audience. For instance, if you follow UK horse racing and talk about gambling, trading and all the latest news you will probably be doing well to achieve 200,000 subscribers. I know what you’re thinking, even Mr Beast had to start somewhere.

In truth, you will probably get 1% of 200,000.

While someone reviewing food, giving their McDonald’s Big Mac a score of 6/10 may have 1M subscribers within a year. I guess it’s horses for courses.

Some gurus say (I know we shouldn’t listen to them as most are fake) your best approach to a successful YouTube channel is simply not trying too hard. I’m sure some of those very successful YouTubers say these things to wind people up. There are always new fads and fashions about how to make a video and what to say. Most of the successful ones on the gambling front or the infamous/scammy making money online tell people how easy it is to make £40,000 a month doing little work. They are usually selling a course or giving coaching. Those who make the most money are selling an in-person Mastermind (basically coaching to a similar bunch of slimy course sellers).

I think starting a YouTube channel is a long-term strategy to making a second income, which may evolve into a primary income. However, please don’t take my words as fact. It’s usually the case via the algorithm that the only channels we see are the popular ones. The other millions don’t see the light of day.

If chatting about horse racing, I’m not so sure giving tips is the best approach. You may well be a victim of your own success (if you give winners) or the haters may turn on you and make your life a misery. That’s the trouble with anything related to gambling especially if you are a good, honest person. Most of these gamblers with a following have, amazingly, never backed a loser, always have a wad of cash in their hand (as if it has been glued in place), and often featured wearing a heavy gold chain or gold teeth (what is it about people with all-gold teeth). They sell racing picks (as they call them in the US) for 1K a time because they are advising you to bet at least 100K. Yes, I say that with a smile on my face but it is actually how most of these influencers work. As John Crestani (affiliate marketeer) says: ‘We’re talking BIG MONEY’ and the camera zooms to a table with a mountain of cash just sitting on it. I can assure readers there is nothing contrived about the video and its just the way he lives with cash on every surface. It’s just the way he rolls. I’m not interested in the course but I do enjoy his videos.

‘BIG MONEY!’

It has nothing to do with small money.

If you are an honest soul and love your horse racing I would simply talk about horse racing and turn the videos into stories which relate to life as much as betting itself. Everyone loves a good anecdote about some old sap who learned a valuable lesson.

There is a channel on YouTube called Dry Creek Wrangler School which talk about horses, wrangling and all manner of related stuff. Dwayne, a man with a big bushy beard and a fondness for cigars, tells stories which go beyond the horse and he has a massive following of 1M subscribers. He talks a lot of sense about life, especially to young men who seem to have lost direction or have no father figure. If his channel was just about horses alone he wouldn’t have so many subscribers. He’s made a good business out of telling his life tales.

I’ve rarely seen an honest YouTuber with millions of subscribers who doesn’t put their success down to blind luck. Sure some worked a little harder than others but the concept worked because they got lucky. However, you may be able to glean some insight from these successes. That doesn’t mean copy them word for word. No two species in the environment are exactly the same for a reason. One is better adapted to surviving than the other.

The best approach for being a YouTuber is being yourself. Give value and be predictable in your posting, whether that is once or twice a week. I’ve seen some very successful channels which only make a video once a month and have millions of subscribers.

You may be asking: ‘Do I have a channel?’

I was one of those people who didn’t really bother to upload anything much with no plan in mind. I think I have 32 subscribers.

I’ve got some way to go to get to the million.

It’s all about intention, hey.

What’s Racehorse Tack?

What's Racehorse Tack?  Having never worked with horses but an avid horse racing fan from the days of watching the Brocklesby Stakes as a kid, I’m definitely a novice when it comes to racehorse tack. Collectively known as the tack, it includes all the various pieces of equipment to help a horse and jockey perform at their best and safely.

The malfunction of the tack may hinder a horse’s win chance and lead to horse and jockey parting company.

But what are the different pieces of tack and why are they used?

1) Saddle: The seat for the jockey. The racing saddle is different to most and lightweight. It helps a jockey maintain balance and control when racing at high speed.

2) Bridle: A collective term for the headstall, bit and reins. The bit goes in the horse’s mouth, while the reins are used to control the horse’s movement. Although rare, reins do snap making a horse impossible to steer. Also, the bit can slip through the mouth of a horse which not only uncomfortable but difficult to control especially on a turning course.

3) Cheekpieces, Blinkers or Noseband: Attached to the bridle which restrict the horses vision as an aid to help them focus. For example, the noseband helps aid the horse from raising its head to high as this can affect its stride pattern and hinder running action.

4) Breastplate: Helps the saddle keep in place, mainly preventing the saddle from slipping backwards.

5) Stirrups: Often referred to as the irons and basically footrests for the jockey to maintain balance to keep safe and secure. The stirrups are attached to the saddle by a leather strap. A strap may break and a jockey loses their iron. If this happens, it is equivalent to bareback riding and in this situation winning is unlikely.

6) Racing Plates: Race horse shoes are made specifically for racing. They are lightweight and usually made of aluminium. It isn’t unusual for a horse to lose a shoe while racing which can hinder performance.

7) Girth Strap: Goes under the horse’s belly to hold the saddle in place. If a horse’s saddle slips it is often because the girth strap hasn’t been tightened enough. Starting stalls handlers often adjust this before the start of a race so it is tight but comfortable. It can be affected by horses breathing after galloping to the start.

8) Martingale: Can be many forms of equipment attached to the horse’s bridle to help control the horse carriage and prevent it raising its head too high.

9) Tail Bandage: Most often seen on National Hunt horses, to prevent the tail being caught in the tack.

10) Whip: The whip may not be viewed as tack but an important piece of equipment. Although a topic of controversy, it is used subject to regulations and used to ‘encourage’ and correction and urgency in the final furlong of a race.

Horse racing tack is an important part of maximising the horse’s performance to ensure the safety of horse and jockey. It is essential the tack is kept in good condition, fitted and adjusted for comfort. Malfunction of tack can hinder performance and can lead to falls or injury of the jockey.

1 2 3 4 5 138