Horse racing jokes designed to tickle your funny bone!

Horse racing jokes designed to tickle your funny bone!  Horse racing can be a serious affair for jockeys, trainers, owners and indeed I expect the horse. And that’s before to get to the punters and those cheering them on. So let’s have a light hearted moment and inject some humour into the sport of kings. Whether good jokes, or bad, it can bring a smile, and so let’s start with a few one liners:

Why don’t horses ever use smartphones?

Because they can’t stand the “neigh”-sayers online

What did the jockey say to the horse before the race?

“Don’t worry, I’ve got your back!”

What do you call a horse who lives next door?


Why did the horse sit on the fence?

Because he wanted to be a “stable” influence!

What do you call a horse who likes to be center stage?

The mane attraction!


Not impressed? Well here’s another selection of horse jokes – and more here. Remember to hold your sides before you read them:


A horse walks into a bar. The bartender starts with the expected “Why the long f…” but the horse suddenly cuts him off and looks him in the eye.

“I’ve heard that one a thousand times. ‘Why the long face!’ In fact, I hear that everywhere I go.”

“I do apologise” says the bartender. “Let’s start again, how’s life?”

The horse replies, “Stable.”


Why did the horse die?

Medical Neigh-ligence


Why did the scarecrow become a successful jockey?

Because he was outstanding in his field!


Why was the psychic horse disqualified from the Grand National?

It kept trying to cross the finish line before the race started!


What did the horse say when it fell?

“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


How do you make a small fortune in horse racing?

Start with a large one!


What did the gay horse say to the other gay horse?


What’s a horse’s favorite sport?

Stable tennis!

What did the pony say when he had to call in sick?

“Sorry, I’m a little hoarse.”

What’s a ghost’s favorite horse race? The Cheltenham Ghoul-cup!

What did the horse say when it saw its photo?

I look absolutely fabulous! That’s one fine filly/frame.”


A horse goes to sit in a movie theatre and the lady in the seat beside him says “Excuse me… are you a horse?” “Why yes, I am,” says the horse. “Then what are you doing at this movie?” The horse: “I really liked the book.”

Why did the horse break up with his girlfriend?

She was always “horsing” around!

How about this one for the worse horse racing joke ever told:


What kind of bread does a horse eat?




And can you figure out this mind mind bender:

Q: How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?



A: His horse’s name was Friday



I hope some of these puns / jokes made you laugh. Feel free to email us with some of your own horse or horse racing relates jokes if you have any. Anything that tickles the funny bone will get added!